Never Enough

Sometimes there just isn't enough time. Not enough adventures, not enough moments, not enough photos. Just not enough anything, not enough everything. For 12.5 years, he was my best friend, my confidant, my shadow. We got him when we were broke college students after only 6 months of dating, eating ramen noodles while he got the best food recommended. He went to so many Carroll classes with me he could have gotten an honorary degree & he came to work with me often throughout my career and was quite the office charmer. If you knew him, you knew he was undoubtedly special. He supported us through our worst failures & celebrated with us during our most joyous moments. He went on amazing adventures all over the Northwest - from mountain tops to ocean beaches, from National Parks to Washington Islands. He was there when Don & I got engaged, when we graduated from college & when we became parents. He loved his morning routine with Don checking on our yard, trees and garden. He grew to love our growing family and man oh man, our girls love him. T and N were ever present in spoiling, snuggling, and playing with our sweet, handsome, precious boy.

Even though there was not enough time for us, he poured all of his love into us every minute of every day of his life. And now we are left to pour our love and grief into the abyss of the unknown. Of trying to navigate who we are without him. How our family will function without him. The pain of coming home without him meeting us is quite frankly, heart wrenching. Seeing his favorite napping spots empty is uniquely painful. And knowing that he will never again be a part of our daily family moments has created a void time won't ever fully heal. I would give him all our garden strawberries, raspberries and zucchini for just one more day. I would let our entire home be covered in dog hair if it just meant one more moment together. Navigating this grief with children is especially hard as they experience their first big loss. And then there is Luke. Who has only ever known life with Logan. Who lost his best friend and brother. Who's heartbreak and confusion is as distinct as ours.

Logan was my once-in-a-lifetime, soulmate, (pet) everything. Apparently he had stolen others' hearts too because he was T's "best buddy" and N's "puppy mine". There's no real conclusion, other than he loved us so well and we loved him so very much too.

I hope he lived knowing just how much.